All-Time Fictional Football Team

All-Time Fictional Football Team

I watch a lot of movies, really anything with exception to horror. Most times while I’m watching movies, I wonder what it would be like if these characters were real? What if John Rambo was running around causing chaos in the Pacific Northwest? What if the Avengers really protected the Earth? WHAT IF SKYNET GOES LIVE?!? This also applies to sports movies, particularly football movies. I’ve assembled what I believe to be the best 22 man roster from fictional football movies/series.

Quarterback: Shane Falco, The Replacements

The Replacements, Warner Bros.

The Replacements is the first football movie I ever remember watching, and Shane Falco was my favorite player on the team. He has a good arm, he’s mobile enough, cerebral, and a good leader. Everything you want in a QB.

Running back: Earl Megget, The Longest Yard

The Longest Yard, Paramount Pictures

“He’s so fast he makes fast people look not fast.” That’s all you need to know about Megget, super fast and elusive. He’s makes even some of the best players look absolutely silly, and he can catch out of the backfield.

Wide Receiver: Deacon Moss, The Longest Yard

The Longest Yard, Paramount Pictures

Look at what his last name is, Moss, and he lives up to it. Not that he plays like Randy Moss, he reminds me more of Michael Irvin *ba dum chhh*, but he consistently mosses people. Freaky one handed catches combined with breakaway speed creates a true number one receiver.

Wide Receiver: Rod Tidwell, Jerry Maguire

Jerry Maguire, TriStar Pictures

A bit of a diva, but you can’t deny Tidwell is a monster. He has the ability to beat you deep with his speed and would make a perfect compliment to Moss who is a lot more physical.

Wide Receiver: Charlie Tweeder, Varsity Blues

Varsity Blues, MTV Productions

Your third reciever is typically the guy you run out of the slot. Tweeder is quick and agile with great hands. He will be great underneath while Moss and Tidwell stretch the field.

Tight End: Brian Murphy, The Replacements

The Replacements, Warner Bros.

Not a big group to pick from, but Murphy is clearly the best. Had first round talent coming out of college, but being deaf kept him from going pro. Luckily for the Washington Sentinels, that didn’t stop him from being a stud. He is best when running routes across the middle, but can stretch the field deep. A great addition to an already potent receiving core.

Offensive Tackle: Louie Lastik, Remember The Titans

Remember the Titans, Walt Disney Pictures

Looking at Lastik, you may just think he’s a big body that can overpower blockers with his size. While that is true, he was agile enough to start in a option Titans offense that required him to get to the second level, he will surely keep Falco clean in the pocket.

Offensive Guard: Andre Jackson, The Replacements

The Replacements, Warner Bros.

Jamal is a big strong man who can push people around with ease. He will open up lanes that Megget will burst through.

Center: Manumana, Neccessary Roughness

Necessary Roughness, Paramount Pictures

Manumana is a tough, strong man who can command this offensive line. He also has great stamina seeing as he plays on both sides of the ball.

Offensive Guard: Jamal Jackson, The Replacements

The Replacements, Warner Bros.

If you have one Jackson on the offensive line, you have to have the other. Jamal is a big body who can move people, just like Andre, but his chemistry with his brother is what makes him a starter.

Offensive Tackle: Jumbo Fumiko, The Replacements

The Replacements, Warner Bros.

Fumiko has background as a sumo wrestler makes him great as an offensive lineman. He’s not very agile, but he doesn’t let many defenders by him.

Defensive End: Julius Campbell, Remember The Titans

Remember the Titans, Walt Disney Pictures

Speed, size, bulldog mentality. Campbell is a monster off the edge, he’s great in defending the run and getting after the QB.

Defensive Tackle: Switowski, The Longest Yard

The Longest Yard, Paramount Pictures

“Will you teach me to footballs?”, as long as you answer with yes, you’re getting a hell of a player. A bit of a softy, but with his size, you can’t not start Switowski. He’ll hit you so hard, you’ll s*** yourself.

Defensive Tackle: Steve Lattimer, The Program

The Program, Touchstone Pictures

A bit undersized for the DT position, but the intensity Lattimer brings will definitely make up for that. He will make the QB very uncomfortable bringing pressure right up the middle.

Defensive End: Bobby Boucher, The Waterboy

The Waterboy, Touchstone Pictures

I know Boucher is a linebacker, but as you can see I’m running a 4-3 defense. Bobby makes his money getting after the QB, and pairing him with Campbell will give any QB nightmares.

Linebacker: Gerry Bertier, Remember The Titans

Remember the Titans, Walt Disney Pictures

Gerry Bertier was an All-American the unquestioned leader of Titans defense. Bertier is a good athlete that has the ability to play in space, and elite instincts.

Linebacker: Alvin Mack, The Program

The Program, Touchstone Pictures

Mack is a film junkie and a great leader. That combined with his ability to call out plays before they happen and flow to the ball will make him a great middle linebacker, the QB of the defense.

Linebacker: Terry Tate, Reebok Commercials

Terry Tate, Reebok

I know I said movies/series in the title, but how can you not include the office linebacker? He delivers blows that gets the second string players on the field in a hurry. He’ll be the battering ram of this impressive linebacker core.

Cornerback: Stefan Djordjevic, All the Right Moves

All the Right Moves, 20th Century Fox

Djordjevic is a smart player with the ability to take away half the field, he’ll be our number one corner.

Cornerback: Alan Bosley, Remember the Titans

Remember the Titans, Walt Disney Pictures

I know, Bosley was seen as a total liability at corner, but he was being played primarily man coverage. As my second corner, I’ll have him in zone coverage, which will help him rely on his technique and not as much on his athleticism.

Safety: Earl Wilkinson, The Replacements

The Replacements, Warner Bros.

Ray Smith, aka Earl Wilkinson, was an all pro safety before running into legal trouble. He is a phenomenal athlete with great instincts and will make any opposing QB think twice about throwing his way.

Safety: Brian Chavez, Friday Night Lights

Friday Night Lights, Imagine Entertainment

Chavez is a great leader on and off the field. Instincts and athleticism combined with his love of watching film makes him a great in the box safety.

Kicker/Punter: Nigel Gruff, The Replacements

The Replacements, Warner Bros.

Anyone who has the courage to smoke a cigarette on the field, has a spot on my team. Gruff has a huge leg and can easily make 60+ yard field goals. He doesn’t have experience punting, but being the team player he is, he wouldn’t mind learning. We just have to keep him away from loan sharks.

Kick/ Punt Returner: Forrest Gump, Forrest Gump

Forrest Gump, Paramount Pictures

He may be the stupidest SOB alive, but he sure is fast!” Blazing speed is what I’m looking for at this spot, and Gump has that. He’s not going to break many ankles, and he may run straight to the locker room, but he’s a threat to take it to the house anytime he touches the ball.

Writing this article was very difficult. I had to leave a lot of characters off the list that I think are great players . If you enjoyed it, please leave me a like, or if you disagree with any spots, leave me a comment! Also check out other great articles we have here at GCSN, thanks!

Feature photo courtesy of Warner Bros.

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4 thoughts on “All-Time Fictional Football Team

    1. Strongly considered both, but with Willie having a tendency to freestyle and Shark’s brain problems, it kept them off.

  1. What about coaches and GMs. All those players are nothing without those genius moves by a coach or GM that got it right..

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